When will we actually grow up?

[baka_na_haha]

Or is the better question: Will we actually grow up?

Having both my parents die has made me realize that now I am supposed to be The Grown Up. However, as Jim and I were standing at Warren's father's shiva, we looked at each other and tried to figure out what we were supposed to do. As has happened hundreds of times before, we discussed how we still didn't feel like grown-ups and had no idea of how we were supposed to behave, what we were supposed to wear, etc. Jim, of course, had the answer: this is simply as grown up as we are going to get. If we are not grown up by now, it's just not going to happen.


This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, my kids have been telling me that I'm de-evolving and they seem to think that's ok. However, it might be nice to at least have the option of being a grown up from time to time. After all, if we are now the Older Generation, doesn't somebody have to be grown up? Or can we skip a generation and just pass the Adult Role directly onto our kids?

I'm mystified. I expected this to happen at 21, then after I got married, then after I had kids. Nothing!

Sun, Oct. 23:
J - 10
B - 8

Mon, Oct. 24:
J - 8
B - 8

Tues, Oct. 25:
J - 4
B - 5

Comments

[krint01.livejournal.com]

Growing up, that formality of growing up, seems to me a silly abstract thing. Whenever I hear someone go, "I'm a grown man," particularly people of my age, it makes me want to laugh. All I know is that I think I understand the world less and people more than I did ten years ago. That is to say, the world is complicated enough to make me realize that I'll probably never really get it, and I've been around long enough to begin to figure out what I want from people and what they want from me. Now, I'm only 20, but as far as I can tell, that's a big part of growing up.

But honestly, I think worrying about being Grown Up is silly. I've been living life one day to the next ever since I was born, and it's never turned into a 5-10 minute musical montage for my benefit - I've had to deal with every day. So I don't expect life to all of a sudden tell me I'm Grown Up. I'm just going to keep living and learning and realizing how little I know until I die. Hopefully the process is relatively happy.

How's that for an answer?

[baka-na-haha.livejournal.com]

Of course you are absolutely right. And I'm not seriously concerned about it. But at times I think it would be handy to have a better grasp of adult societal norms. Somehow I think I missed a large chunk of education, since other "grown-ups" seem to know about a lot of things I don't know at all. Professionally, I get a lot of "grown-up" respect. But there are still lots of times when I suddenly get this sinking, child-like feeling of "Shit - why don't I know how to deal with this?" If that's the price I pay for retaining my child-like sense of playfulness and silliness (which I value highly), then it is definitely worth it. Maybe I just want the best of both worlds: to be able to choose to fit smoothly into "adult" society but also to be able to be child-like when I choose. Too much to ask?

[krint01.livejournal.com]

Sometimes not so easy, but certainly not so much to ask.

And hey, I had one of the worst nights of my life last night, and I wouldn't have minded more adult-ish wisdom than there was to be had. Sometimes you feel a bit lost without that guiding hand on your shoulder.

[krint01.livejournal.com]

Oh, and everything's ok now. Don't want you worrying.

[baka-na-haha.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're ok - but "one of the worst nights of my life" still sounds pretty bad. Actually, your comment about wanting more adult-ish wisdom last night helps put things into perspective. I may feel like a kid when it comes to issues like what is expected in certain situations, but I can feel downright wise when it comes to dealing with lots of emotional issues. And that's tons more important to me than wearing the right thing or using the right fork (which is probably why I never learned those things in the first place). And that type of wisdom isn't necessarily a product of age at all. In fact, my own kids (and some of their friends - yourself included) can be incredibly wise and helpful when dealing with tough life issues.

Also, that guiding hand can often be found in many places. Sometimes a non-parent adult can be pretty helpful - so, if you ever need to talk, let me know (ok, so I am a bit concerned even though you said not to worry). Or (if that sounds too parent-like) X is often amazingly perceptive and good to talk to - and he has the advantage of being on AIM at all hours of the day and night.

That said, I do trust you and will try to take you at your word that everything's ok, so I won't worry too much. However, I am sorry to hear that you had to go through such a rough night. Youth is definitely not for the weak of heart . . .

[krint01.livejournal.com]

Youth really isn't for the week of heart. In particular, when you learn that your ex-girlfriend was in fact cheating on you for months on end. It was such a bad last night because I became angrier than I knew I was capable of being. And it wasn't like I got violent or anything, it was just this feeling of dark emptiness and wanting to pound everyone's skull in.

It's still with me to some smaller extent. I'm sure I'll be ok eventually.

And yes, X is very helpful.

[baka-na-haha.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to go through all this! And, believe it or not, I can totally relate to what you are going through. My sophomore year at college may have been centuries ago, but I can remember the feelings (and the pain) as vividly as if it was yesterday. I had an extremely tumultuous relationship that put me through an emotional wringer.

Yes, you will be ok eventually, but that doesn't make it any easier now. If you are anything like me, you will remember last night forever - and I think that's ok. Zan is fond of quoting "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". I tend to agree, especially when it comes to feelings. You deserve better, and I'm sure you will find it. But, in the meantime, boy, can life hurt!

Hang in there!

[fantwurm.livejournal.com]

You have discovered Neverland. I think I'm getting there, but you have to be "grown up" to discover how not to "grow up". It's a lot more fun being a kid, trust me.

[baka-na-haha.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think I'm having a lot more fun as a de-evolving adult than I did as an actual child. So, maybe that is my own, personal Neverland. I really like that concept! Thanks!