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Creepy feeling validated
Oct. 22nd, 2005 12:21 pmI'd actually forgotten the title of my last lj entry, but it did turn out that my fears were confirmed. This trip was not a total nightmare like last March's trip, but the outcome was sadly similar.
At first it looked like things were going to turn out differently from last March. Yes, my mother was in the hospital, but nothing seemed surprising or imminent. We left for New England on Wednesday, had a pleasant drive, visited 2 lovely college campuses, and had a great Friday evening with X (excellent pizza, outstanding ice cream, and MirrorMask - a fantastic Neil Gaiman movie). On Saturday, we heard from my brother that Mom's cancer had spread and it was time to get Hospice involved. This was still not a surprise: we knew that, since her cancer was not operable, it would eventually spread - the only question was really when. Even so, it looked like we had some time: her doctor said she likely had two to three months, Hospice said she had two to three weeks. We drove home Sunday and quickly made plans to fly out to California. At least this time, things did not feel panicked and hysterical. At least we had enough warning to be able to get out there.
Unfortunately, that did not turn out to be the case. By Monday evening, my mother had died. Although they died of totally different illnesses, both my parents died very quickly and without significant pain or lengthy incapacitation. I wasn't surprised that my mother died within 7 months of my father: although their choices were very different from my own, they depended totally on each other and apparently needed that struggle to keep going. I'm sad that I didn't get to see either of them right before they died - but, in a way, this leaves me with vivid memories of our last visits with them (ironically both revolving around food): Dad eating mass quantities at a buffet, Mom stealing food off my plate at Bambino's. Even though they both died very thin, those final memories capture what was for so many years the focus of their lives.
Friday, Oct. 21:
J - 8
B - 6
At first it looked like things were going to turn out differently from last March. Yes, my mother was in the hospital, but nothing seemed surprising or imminent. We left for New England on Wednesday, had a pleasant drive, visited 2 lovely college campuses, and had a great Friday evening with X (excellent pizza, outstanding ice cream, and MirrorMask - a fantastic Neil Gaiman movie). On Saturday, we heard from my brother that Mom's cancer had spread and it was time to get Hospice involved. This was still not a surprise: we knew that, since her cancer was not operable, it would eventually spread - the only question was really when. Even so, it looked like we had some time: her doctor said she likely had two to three months, Hospice said she had two to three weeks. We drove home Sunday and quickly made plans to fly out to California. At least this time, things did not feel panicked and hysterical. At least we had enough warning to be able to get out there.
Unfortunately, that did not turn out to be the case. By Monday evening, my mother had died. Although they died of totally different illnesses, both my parents died very quickly and without significant pain or lengthy incapacitation. I wasn't surprised that my mother died within 7 months of my father: although their choices were very different from my own, they depended totally on each other and apparently needed that struggle to keep going. I'm sad that I didn't get to see either of them right before they died - but, in a way, this leaves me with vivid memories of our last visits with them (ironically both revolving around food): Dad eating mass quantities at a buffet, Mom stealing food off my plate at Bambino's. Even though they both died very thin, those final memories capture what was for so many years the focus of their lives.
Friday, Oct. 21:
J - 8
B - 6
